Spazzing

I think I might be going crazy. Okay, maybe I should say I feel like I'm going crazier since I'm already a little bit crazy. I feel like I'm spinning in circles with no end in sight. Between training, practicing, teaching lessons, fundraising, and helping out my parents there never seems to a minute free. It's part of the reason I haven't written in a bit.

• I had been working really hard on some things while I've been practicing. There are two pieces that I am suppose to memorize and I'm having the hardest time getting it done. It's dawned on me that part of the reason is that I'm so stressed out about them. Well, apparently I missed a few other things. My first lesson in three weeks was yesterday, and I got frustrated that things were not as good as I thought they were. I want to be pushed so that I can continue to get better. I wouldn't pay several hundreds of dollars a month if I didn't feel that way. I was tired, and speaking emphatically was only making me more frustrated because I didn't understand. It didn't help anything else go well yesterday
• I had to open up another day to teach lessons start in the fall because my schedule is finally full! Yay for more work! The problem is that I am now swamped at a rather crazy time. And then there's the bit about rescheduling Thursday students that I didn't originally have when I started accepting orchestra jobs. Never a dull moment!
• I don't think I've ever trained for a race with this much purpose or intensity. I always train for the races I run, but this one is different. I'm logging more miles than ever before with all the running and crossing training, and logging several strength training workouts a week. It's making me very hungry, and very tired. I always forget how tired I get when the mileage starts getting really high in the peak training weeks. It almost always affects my violin playing because I'm so tired it's harder to get the practicing I need in, and I tend to miss things that only end up making my violin lessons frustrating. Getting up at 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning to try and avoid some of the heat is wearing me out...
• To help with fundraising I've been working at the consession stand that Team in Training Georgia works at the Braves games. While it's helping me reach my fundraising goal it's also an extra 8 hours a game on my feet, which makes training challenging (thank goodness for cross training!!). It is also a job within itself. But I'm within a $1000 of my goal!

Sorry, it's not a very interesting post. Things are kind of crazy, and there never seems to be enough time at the moment. Hopefully I'll have more exciting things down the road!

moving forward

Sometimes moving forward isn't always comfortable. It means going outside of that box that we've gotten so comfortable in. To get somewhere new it often requires us to stretch ourselves, and put ourselves in a situation that isn't always comfortable. For years I've struggled with playing in tune and getting a good sound out of my violin. While teachers have pointed out what was wrong, they didn't always explain how to fix it. So, I did what i thought was right. Instead of playing in tune I focused more on making sure my hand was in the right spot and comfortable and then tried to get everything in tune. The more I work with my current teacher, the more I discover I was wrong. In all fairness to my past teachers, many of them came from teachers who expected them to figure things out on their own. They teach the same way they were taught. Things have changed a great deal not only in violin playing, but also teaching in the last 20 years. There have been many times when I have felt slightly dumb for saying that I don't know something. I have two music degrees and there are basic techniques that I struggle with. And then something just clicked...

A couple of weeks ago I had an audition. In the two weeks leading up to the audition I was starting to get "it." It's not about being comfortable all of the time. It's about doing things right and really focusing on doing them right every time. So, I'm a bit sore at the moment, but you wouldn't believe the sound coming out of my violin. My teacher says I had my "break through" moment. I wasn't even sure how to respond to all of the nice things he said about my violin playing. The majority of my lessons through college were the exact opposite. At one point I was almost in tears after being told that my sound was beautiful. Then he told me it would feel uncomfortable and to go memorize my piece. Sure no big woop. It's only 14 pages long... I'm not a great memorizer, but if I can figure out how to make a beautiful sound, then darn it I'm going to figure out how to memorize this piece (for the record I LOVE the piece!!).

It's been four days of being a little sore (I need to relax more) and uncomfortable (goodbye old box), but I think I'm going into my next lesson with an even better sound, and 1 page memorized. Maybe he'll ask for the other piece... :-)

violin & running not so different

Sometimes it's funny to think about how different two things can be only to discover they really aren't that different. It blows my mind sometimes how similar running and playing the violin can be.

• running has the whole barefoot vs. shod (shoes) debate. In violin we have the great bow hold debate, french vs. german (I'm a french girl)
• long and slow are the name of the with weekly long run. Slow is the best way to learn things in music
• want to get faster, add a speed workout to your weekly run schedule. want to play faster. better crack out that metronome and start doing some faster practicing in that music
• breathing right is really helpful
• strength training helps you keep your form for longer
• focusing on form and technique can make you more efficient
• proper nutritution and hydration are important 
• the weeks prior to a race/audition can make you go through every emotion possible (and then some)

A few differences:

• in running you taper your miles before a race so your legs can rest (affectionately know as the taperworm or taper monster). It can bring out our more colorful personality traits. There is no such thing as tapering for auditions or concerts. If anything, there is cramming...
• you can run in just about any kind of weather within reason. violins don't like being outside and react, sometimes violently, to weather changes (I've had pegs shoot across rooms before)
• you can fix things as you go during a marathon. auditions and concerts are like the 100 yard dash. you only get one shot to be perfect

I've got just under 3 weeks till my audition. Last week I was in tears while working on my excerpts. This week I find them oddly relaxing. Go figure. The good news, every excerpt I played today was perfect on the first run through. That's a huge step forward. You only get one shot on audition day.
Oh, and look what jumped into my violin case :)

In search of peace

My violin lessons haven't been going well lately, or at least that's my perception. Of the last four lessons I've had I've cried through two of them. Sometimes I've even gotten defensive, but mostly I'm not enjoying myself. What's going on? I have an audition April 28th that I've been working on since December. No matter how hard I've worked nothing seems to be good enough. As I was leaving my lesson last week my teacher said things were getting better. Thanks, could you mention that before my self-esteem completely tanked? In between sobs on Monday I told him I felt like I wasn't any good (he told me that wasn't true). I'm hard on myself. I have been trained to seek perfection at all times. There is just one problem, perfection as a human is next to impossible. We are imperfect beings. Admittedly my teacher said that his criticism probably isn't helping, but I needed to get my head out of the dark place it's settled. I don't like picking my violin up at the moment. I would rather do almost anything than practice. On Sunday I spent part of the afternoon running around the front yard barefoot while playing fetch with one of the dogs. It was so freeing. All the weight came of my shoulders and I felt like I was a little kid again. It was something I desperately needed.

So, my teacher gave me something to work on. Clearly I am only seeing the negative in my playing. Not so helpful. So, instead I am suppose to make a list of things that I like or do well, and then list what I need to work on.

When my teacher asked what would make me happy I said running barefoot outside. He told me to find that same feeling while I'm playing. We'll find out how that went tonight, because lucky me I get to have two lessons this week...

Sometimes you just have to let go

I have a problem. I like to be in control. Who doesn't for that matter? However, I've learned over the past several weeks that my control problem is getting in the way. Sometimes it takes giving up the control to get where you need to go. Running or playing the violin.

I've struggled with spiccato for as long as I can remember. I always thought it was a bouncing stroke. I learned a few things at one of my lessons a few weeks back. It's not a bouncing stroke. Spiccato in italian means short, which just happens to bounce because we're always go so darn fast when we use it. OHHHH. Hmm, that explains a few things. I also learned I try to control it too much. Well, that's because I was trying to make it bounce. Duh. Unfortunately, that just makes things worse. If I try too much it just gets really pecky, like chickens pecking at feed (not really what I was going for I have to say). And because I'm trying so hard and controlling it so much I get really tight, and then tired, and then sore. Turns out if I let go of the tension, and don't try and control things so much I'm actually kind of good at spiccato. Who knew? :) Letting go when I'm playing my violin has been a huge struggle. It's the opposite of the way one of my teachers taught me, and because I of that I got hurt really bad in high school. Letting go is hard. It's uncomfortable. It means taking risks and trying new things. Some may work, others may not, but it never hurts to try. And slowly I'm getting there (the video taping has helped grumble, grumble).

With running, well I tried to control my pace a lot. I wanted to hang with the fast kids and run fast all of the time. Unfortunately, the path to speed involves slowing down. Now I do one speed workout a week and run all of my other runs at least a minute slower than I use too. The difference is huge! My 6 mile run earlier this week felt easy, and I never had to stop to walk or catch my breathe. I just ran at a nice comfortable speed and enjoyed the small lakes forming in my shoes from the rain (ah the memories of high school soccer games in the rain). Long distance running is still something I'm learning, and yes I'm saying that even after four marathons. I'm still learning. Letting go and enjoying the run has helped so much the last 4 weeks. It's not about the pace, and my endurance has skyrocketed because of that. I'm actually really excited about my half marathon next Sunday because of all of this. I can't wait to run and see what happens.

So here's to letting go. May I continue to get better at it because I kind of like being a little more relaxed

Strength Training - It's not just for runners!

I hit me this morning as I was doing my post run strength training that it's been exactly a year since I started adding push ups, sit ups, and other such exercises into my regular fitness plan. Recently I rearranged things to go back to some more traditional strengthening exercises, and I immediately noticed a difference, in my violin playing! Yes, I said my violin playing. Not that it isn't already showing up in my running, but you wouldn't believe the difference it can make in other walks of life as well. A lesson I realized yesterday as one of my students and I were on the floor of my violin studio doing push ups. She busted out 4 of those bad boys (she's only 7!! I should also mention that I don't actually make any student do push ups. She brought it up).

So what's so great about strength training?

1. Posture, posture, posture! If you can't stand up straight it's going to start hurting at some point. It's the sad reality and one of the primary reasons I got hurt in high school right before all of my college auditions (can you say really bad timing!!). Even the smallest adjustment, or strengthening can make a difference
2. Those push ups sure do make my arms stronger! Which is a really good thing cause I have all of these audition excerpts that require the bow to bounce, which needs some serious arm strength when you on the 5th one and still have 5 more to go...
3. Musicians are like athletes. Don't want to get injured? Get those muscles stronger and make sure you're using them the right way!! (same goes for runners)
4. Are you tired after that 3 hour rehearsal or concert? You have to hold that instrument up some how...
5. Hills? What hills? (okay this is clearly a running one)
6. You'll be ready when you end up in a push up contest with a 7 year old!

A change of weather

As you can see the violin was not happy when I opened the case this morning =(. Poor violin. It just doesn't like any changes as far as the weather goes, which is a shame because the weather is changing. I can't tell you how many violins I've had to tune so far this week. It's crazy!

This morning I went for a run and it was actually cold! I kid you not. It was 49 degrees when I got back from my 8 mile run. I couldn't move my hands! I haven't warmed up much since, but then my room always seems to be cold, so hopefully I'll feel warmer once I get outside and go to work. I still haven't quite figured out what to wear when I'm running in this cooler weather. It's not cool enough for pants and not warm enough for sleeveless shirts. So, I've been wandering the great Internet looking at fall/winter running gear and mentally spending my paycheck before I even get it later today. Shopping is just too easy =).